Blue on Center

Home Archive for 2016

Last night, Greg and I went to an epic birthday party. Artisan foods, singers and performers, appearances by rock-and-roll hall of famers and a Grammy nominee, fresh juice bar, baristas making coffee, shrimp served inside ice sculptures, cake boss pastries, all the foods, all the drinks. I met passionate, inspiring people who are working on cool projects. I love hearing about these types of projects, but it creates a weird stirring of discontentment in me. I would love to partner with likeminded, creative people to bring beautiful things with a beautiful story into the marketplace--I feel like that's my sweet spot. And then I feel unsettled because I haven't arrived at that place yet and I begin to wonder if I should just start my own thing (without having a clue how) or if maybe I’m not as awesome as I think and maybe I should rethink all this nonsense.

And then I wonder if I'm just living in the wrong place to make something like that happen. All the people I met last night have their homebase elsewhere. Maybe there’s just not enough people doing those types of things here and maybe I should be in a different city to make it happen. Am I a sucker for being here? Would I be more advanced in my career if I were in a place like _____?

Last night I watched three young ladies in tight dresses at table six. They are musical performers at the party. They are fluffing their hair and taking selfies and flirting while not flirting. They know from hours of practicing in front of the mirror what angle to drop their head to get the most favorable camera angle, they know how wide to smile and how to place their hair just so for that selfie, which is instantly posted to Instagram and their fan page. I know all this when I see them and I judge them so hard. I am in a totally different category, I tell myself. There is no comparing them to me. I am my own brand of awesome and someday, someone will notice my amazingness and make a fan page for me with hundreds of thousands of likes. This is a familiar routine for me: I see someone who has an opportunity (drop-shipped or not) into their lap and I will find a way to loathe them and find creative funny ways to paint them as less than. I’ve already dismissed them as vain, good for nothing idiots before they’ve opened their mouths. Surely they have no real talent and if they did, they would keep their mouths shut about it and wait for someone to notice it. Like me. And if no one ever notices their talent, then they should find creative and scathing ways to write others off as vain, good for nothing idiots. Like me.

What a tangled web I weave. Like Will Hunting, at least I won’t be unoriginal.

In other words, I am in a funk today. Should I be selfie girl, exploiting all the details of my life in order to make other people feel like crap about their own? Not that my life is better, but with a good camera, white teeth and some decent vignettes I can sure make it seem that way. Especially if I give my followers tips on how to whiten their teeth, wear the right shade of lipstick to make those white teeth pop, and where to buy all the things to help their vignettes look pretty--but not as pretty as mine. You see, none of us will ever be good enough for Instagram. We will never be good enough for these lives that we pretend we have.

The problem isn't table six at all....the problem is me. I wrestle with feeling like I'm not enough, that I'm not saying or doing the right things at the right time, that I'll fail. I struggle with comparing because I will always come up short.

This morning, I wake up at home in Sherman Park. It’s an unusual day for me—the girls are at Grandma’s and we’re snowed in. We’re staying home today and Greg makes a fire. My first thought today was “wouldn’t it be great to walk and get a cup of coffee at my local cafe this morning?” Maybe I could post my snowy jaunt and that quintessential heart-shaped milk froth photo on Instagram. Hopefully I’d be able to nail that selfie with a trendy stocking cap and snowflakes landing on my eyelashes just so. I'd be smiling a toothy grin because my life is just perfect and Instagram is my witness. But I don’t live in that kind of neighborhood. I could walk and get an airbrushed t-shirt, some liquor, flavored papers for rolling weed, or get my nails done. But an Instagram-worthy cup of coffee at a cafe, no.

I look out my window at the snow. One of my neighbors has already come by in the wee hours of the morning with their snowblower and cleared my walkway. I hear the scraping of shovels from other neighbors who are out right now clearing their sidewalks. I could walk out right now on my cleared sidewalk and would most likely end up talking to the neighbor who is shoveling and be invited inside their home for that cup of coffee. We’d likely end up in conversation for the next thirty minutes while sipping on that coffee. And pulling out my phone to take a photo is out of the question because there’s no heart shape froth at the brim. It's just two people, talking in a kitchen on a snowy day and there's no way to capture how beautiful that moment is.

And I know, on a very deep level, that this is just the kind of life that I want to have and there's no need to compare with anyone else. It’s harder than whitening my teeth, it takes more time and energy than buying pretty things. It makes me better. The beauty in our relationships will never be captured properly with an iPhone. All the pretty things on Instagram can't be compared to this real life, these hard decisions, these opportunities to pursue other people, these chances we have at being known.

I also know that I need to be a better kind of person to the ladies at table six. They’re young, they’re figuring it out. I hope they have healthy people in their lives who will help them. I'm learning how to see them with new eyes. When I finish writing this, I'm going to go check out their music. I've heard it's actually pretty good....dammit.

Ten years ago, I began an unlikely friendship. I'd like to tell you about my friend because I've never met anyone like her.
She's beautiful but gritty; she tells you how it is. And if you're like me and don't get it the first time, she'll show you how it is. We've looked out for each other. We've forgiven each other when we've said or done the wrong thing. I've enjoyed watching her children run and play on the street, and I've watched them play with mine. She's fed me, prayed for me, & encouraged my family. We've celebrated together at block parties, outdoor movie nights, house concerts, weekly dinners, front yard sprinklers, wine on the front porch. She's helped me paint my house when I was 9 months pregnant, given me pots of flowers for my front porch, has lent me countless eggs. We've been here for each other in times of great joy & great struggle. I've learned so many lessons from her and I know that I will continue to learn them. She is teaching me how to love well--a lesson I am still learning. I want you to know about her because she means so much to me. She is struggling right now and I don't know what else to do but show up for her. My friend is Sherman Park.
And I say this to you now, Sherman Park: I hear you. I am not going to insult your intelligence by coming at you with quick & simple answers to your complex questions. I am not going to sit inside my home only to watch your story unfold on Twitter, the news, or Facebook. I am going to walk with you in this. I am going to serve you while you struggle.

Sherman Park, you're a friend to so many. Over these past few days, I have seen people showing up with garbage bags to clean up; people have been coming with water, bibles, encouragement, a willingness to listen. Some come to pray together, some bring pizza to feed people. Some come to see what will happen next, while others come and don't know why. Perhaps they just felt compelled to come & be part of the conversations here.
We come because we love you and believe in you. We want you to flourish.

Even though I do not know all the answers, Sherman Park, I will tell you something I learned.

"It’s easy to spend time in the shallow end...it’s not a real commitment. You can just hop in, stand around in tight circles, and people-watch. You can examine your nails, read, reread, and catch up on all the gossip.You can talk and talk and talk and come to a great many conclusions and decisions and still maintain your hairstyle and even avoid smudging your makeup. This is important because you never know when someone may pull out a camera. You can spend your whole comfortable life there, really, just standing around and being heard. You never even have to learn to swim in the shallow end. We don’t hear from the people in the deep end because they’re busy swimming, keeping their head above water. It’s tiring and scary in the silence of the depths. There’s not much chatting or safety in numbers. There’s no solid footing."

-Glennon Melton Doyle

Sherman Park deserves more than just interested observers. This beautiful neighborhood needs people who love this city and love its people to be with us, to work with us. Show up with us & for us.
To those of you who have been watching the story from afar and are convinced that the whole of Milwaukee is up in flames and chaos is ensuing, I can assure you that it is not. The sun came up, it's a beautiful day with birds chirping and all is quiet. Neighbors are having their morning coffee on their porch and people are getting ready for work. I want to encourage you not to rush in with easy answers and snap judgements on complex issues that have been decades in the making. Be a student and hear the stories here. You will walk away wiser if you listen and ask thoughtful questions. People don't burn down their own neighborhoods without cause. There are unaddressed frustrations here, questions of inequity that haven't been answered, or have been wholly ignored. There are systems in place, which (intentionally or not) have oppressed people for several generations. Listen to this story from Dante, one of my neighbors:

"When most of our jobs went away in Milwaukee because of NAFTA, it took away our ability to provide for our family. It took away our sense of belonging. We could no longer provide for our families, we couldn't pay our bills, and couldn't be taken seriously in society."

It took away the sense of belonging.
There are certain realities like Dante's that need to be heard*. There is an outcry here, even from those like Dante who did not participate in the looting/burning of businesses and we need to hear it. Do I agree that looting and burning businesses in the area is the solution? No, of course not. Dante & I both agreed that this solved nothing, and now there's more jobs lost in our neighborhood. I heard that O'Reilly Auto Parts store employed 18 mechanics in the area who are now without jobs.
Do I think that there are some people here looking to create chaos, perhaps even coming from other communities? Probably.
Do I think that the media is creating more drama with their helicopters circling overhead for the past 3 days? Yes.
Do I think that the investigation of the state Justice Department should be expedited and the body camera footage from the shooting of Syville Smith should be released to the public? Yes.
Do I think that there are steps we can take to make our city better? Yes, and there's valuable input that will come from voices we as a society don't usually listen to.
Sherman Park, I have so much hope for you. I'm proud to live inside your borders because I have seen and learned things that I don't think I would have elsewhere. We can ask each other hard questions and listen to hard answers because we love each other, even in our brokenness. I am a richer person for the lessons that you have taught me, and for the lessons I have yet to learn.

I stand with you, my friend. We stand with you and will see you through this.

*No major urban city in American suffered as much as Milwaukee in the upheaval of a globalizing economy & changes in manufacturing. Milwaukee's working-age black men suffered almost twice the drop in unemployment that the nation experienced in the Great Depression.

Today is the best day of your life because I have solved all your problems. I have compiled the ultimate summer checklist of products that have proved their worth in our household.

1. These coloring books are new to us this summer. Now that the kiddos are older, I thought they'd dig a more intricate coloring book (plus, it lasts longer!). I hooked them up with some new markers and colored pencils for the books as well. They're great for long road trips.

2. I love these popsicle molds. They're dishwasher (top rack) safe and don't take up a ton of freezer space. I make a smoothie in the morning and pour it into these and the girls love them. Just make sure you store them upright in your freezer.

3.The girls have had these water bottles all school year. They're BPA free, dishwasher safe, and have held together all year and the design on the outside is still vibrant. They're available in loads of great patterns.

4. Need I say more? Sidewalk chalk is a summer staple.

5. We work on keeping our academic skills up over the summer. I like this brand and with Star Wars on the comeback, these are a great option too.

6. This bubble container is awesome. It doesn't leak or spill and we have tested that to limits here. It's available in a variety of colors. I learned the hard way that the top doesn't have to be taken off to refill the bubbles-just dump the refill in slowly and you're set.

7. These lunch boxes are awesome. They've held up all school year and are great for packing lunches for the park or beach. I throw them into the wash with towels. Available in many patterns and colors.

8. I discovered this sunscreen last year. It's SPF 50+, water resistant, and free of harsh chemicals. A little goes a long way.

9. I have this first aid kit in the car at all times. I keep Neosporin, kids ibuprofen, bandaids, tweezers, hand sanitizer, and a chapstick in it.

10. This sounds strange, but I have to ration bandaids at our house. Any "owie" has to be approved by mama before a bandaid gets put on. That sounds harsh, but my children would love to be covered head to toe in princess bandages all summer long and I'd prefer not going to go broke buying them.

11. This tub is in my trunk all summer. It's big enough to hold all our sand toys, beach towels, swimsuits, and sunscreen. I try to keep it stocked with fresh towels and swimsuits so that if we are running around town doing errands and want to stop in at a splash pad, we have everything we need. Plus, I earn cool mom status if I have it with me. I like the rope handles because one kiddo can grab a handle to help me carry it.

12. A friend turned me onto these bars. They are filling and don't have the weird aftertaste that some energy bars have. Great for on-the-go snack.

13. Okay, it took me awhile to buy this candle. I mean, a $20 candle? But it smells so good and the whole house is filled with fragrance, unlike other candles that don't really scent the whole house. I light it first thing in the morning for an hour or two to get my day going.

14. I have very dry skin, so I appreciate that this hand sanitizer actually works like a lotion too. I keep it in the car at all times.

15. These are the ultimate summer shoe. They are super durable, great for wet/dry, running/walking, sand/rain and available in many colors. I have a pair from 10 years ago that all four girls have worn. Marielle outgrew that pair of Crocs last summer and I just don't think I can part with them. Perhaps I'll turn them into a Christmas ornament, because I will never let that pair go.

16. Dude. These suckers save my life every day: "If you are good in the store, you can have a sucker when we get to the car," or "I'm sorry we have to leave, but when we get to the car, you can have a sucker," or "No, I am not going to buy that but if you stop crying, you can have a sucker when we get to the car." Basically, they're bribery on a stick in convenient packaging. (You can buy them on Amazon but sometimes I find them cheaper in the checkout line of Marshalls or TJ Maxx).

So that's a wrap. If you're looking for other helpful summertime tips, check out this and this.

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